Est. 1743  /  Location undisclosed

The Igrimont Industries monogram: interlocking steel I-beams forming a letter I.

IgrimontIndustries

Heavy industry for problems that have not happened yet.

Who We Are

Igrimont Industries has manufactured the unnecessary since before manufacturing was invented. We work in steel, in concrete, and in materials that resist description. Our clients do not discuss us. We prefer it that way.

The Founder

Strombuly Galifanti, seated in his office in front of a framed map of Lesser Trombolia.
Strombuly Galifanti in his office. The framed map behind him is Lesser Trombolia, 1940 to 1972. Those dates do not agree with our founding year. We have been asked not to discuss it.

Strombuly Galifanti

Founder & Perpetual Chairman

Strombuly Galifanti founded Igrimont Industries in Lesser Trombolia, a country that has since declined to continue existing. He arrived with two suitcases, one idea, and a document that nobody has been permitted to read.

Everyone who has met him agrees that he is a really nice guy. He is warm, he remembers birthdays, and he has almost never killed anyone.

Place of origin
Lesser Trombolia (dissolved)
Temperament
Genuinely lovely
Confirmed incidents
Almost none
Current whereabouts
The corridor

Product Divisions

LBS-40

Load-Bearing Silence

Structural quiet, rated to forty tonnes. Fitted between adjacent bricks by hand. Please do not tap it.

RA-07

Reinforced Ambiguity

Grade-7 vagueness, cold-rolled and shot-blasted. Specified by nine ministries. None of them will confirm which.

HFD-∞

Hand-Forged Delays

Every delay is beaten flat by a man named Gunter. Lead time is unknown, and that is the whole point.

AF-12

Artisanal Friction

Small-batch resistance for doors that should stay shut. Sold by the newton. Minimum order: one corridor.

The Works

A worker at a bench in a factory, fitting a labelled brick onto a stack of bricks.
Fitting LBS-40 at the works. The operator has not spoken since 1998.

Load-Bearing Silence is fitted by hand, one brick at a time. The operator must not speak during fitting. Nobody has explained why, and nobody has asked twice.

Warehouse, Section 12

A long warehouse aisle with high racking, pallets of labelled crates and a forklift.
Warehouse, Section 12. The far end is 12 km away and remains unmapped.

Section 12 holds finished stock. It has never been counted. Two attempts were made. Both counters now work in dispatch and will not discuss it.

The Board

Five directors seated around a boardroom table with bricks and blueprints on it, under the company logo.
The board, Tuesday. These minutes were filed the previous Thursday.

The board meets every Tuesday, at a time that is not published. Five directors attend. None will confirm what was decided. The minutes are written in advance.

Halbeck
Director of Silence
Drast
Director of Ambiguity
Ilkensteen
Director of Delays
Volm
Director of Friction
Sarowe
Director of Corridors

By The Numbers

1743
Founded, retroactively
1
Factory, location undisclosed
0
Questions answered since 1998
12 km
Corridor, still unmapped

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Careers

We are not hiring. We have never hired. Every member of staff was already here. Please do not send a document.

Enquiries

We will not reply.